I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
