Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
