3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
