Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
