listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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