Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
