Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
no you cant smoke seaweed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
