if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize