I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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