Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
