someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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