Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
