Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
