I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
