so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
