I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
