we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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