I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
