We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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