took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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