i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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