She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
