o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
