No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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