redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
