my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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