Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
