a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
