Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
