the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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