I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
