Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
