So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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