Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
