The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
