I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
