I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
