haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm passing your future prison.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
