And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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