were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
