I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
