did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
