She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
