Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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