Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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