It's Friday. Sex?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
