No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my shit smells like andre
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
