This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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