3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
