We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
