Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
