Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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