I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
