I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
