Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
