there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
