What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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