He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
