the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to make out with him forever
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
