dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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