Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mom said you looked used
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
