Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
