i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
