Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
