I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
