If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
