great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
