OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
