This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
