ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
