You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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