I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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