if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
