my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
