About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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