You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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